K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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