I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
