I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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