lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
