1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
