my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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