Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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