Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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