She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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