He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize