is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
