Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize