There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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