hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
