I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
