Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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