so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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