Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Damn victory sex feels great
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
