Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
