no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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