Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
