There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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