I didn't shave. On purpose
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
