I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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