I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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