Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Randomize
