Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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