Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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