theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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