It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
