I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I could make wine with my vomit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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