Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
