we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
