Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
