We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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