You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
