omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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