the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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