i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
