After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
