My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
