Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
my liver is dry heaving
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
