I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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