Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
