I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
