You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
