Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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