FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
