I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You took a bar mat shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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