I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
