we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize