Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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