i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
