Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
