if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
