Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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