Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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