Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
