this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
