Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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