if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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