Too much gin, very little bucket
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
