That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
