just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize