when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
