1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
