On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
kristin has been a bad kristin
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
